


Reminded of You

by votiveviscera



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Jaeger Pilots, M/M, i like to hurt my characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-01 03:33:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10913466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/votiveviscera/pseuds/votiveviscera
Summary: “I hate you. You’re everywhere, and I can’t escape you. I can’t go anywhere without being reminded of you.”Loving a Jaeger pilot is hard but someone has to do it.Be warned, there be angst ahead.





	Reminded of You

Tendo Choi has never drifted, never shared his memories completely with another human being and become one mind to power a colossus. He came close though, once, with a young, blonde, hurricane of a man. Not as foolhardy as his younger brother, who would have run into danger like a puppy after a stick, but by no means the shy, retiring type. They’d happened upon each other in the midst of an apocalypse and if Tendo had been the poetic type, he’d have been inclined to say they were drawn to one another, Yancy always seeming that little too close to be casual in briefings, Tendo himself managing again and again to find ways to bump into him.

When their lips, and later their bodies, finally met, it was after Lady Danger’s first big kill. There was whiskey free flowing, a joy that had become rare almost tangible in the air around them, the Becket boys at the centre of it, beaming their sun bright grins. Tendo was drawn to them like a moth to their light, wrapping his alcohol heavy limbs round Yancy’s body.

“You better save a dance for me, Yance.” He teased and Yancy had held his gaze for a moment with his pupils blown wide, almost like he was deliberating his answer.

“I can do better than that.” Tendo found himself being led away from the middle of the room, leaving Raleigh in the spotlight, and into somewhere a little darker. Yancy seemed more human in that half-light, less a demi god from the stories Tendo half remembered from school and more tangible, more like someone a human like Tendo could reach and take for his own. His hands easily slid into Yancy’s soft hair, pulled him down with no resistance and pressed their lips together. The noise Yancy makes as he melts into the kiss is the kind that would make Tendo march out to fight the kaiju alone just to hear it again; soft and desperate and so far from the Yancy Becket the world knows. This is his and his alone and god he’s greedy, wanting every last bit for himself.

Of course, loving a jaiger pilot is hard. At times it is the hardest thing Tendo has ever done not to walk away, maybe then his intake of cigarettes would go down, the shaking of his hands would calm, and he would be able to sleep alone again. But he knows he would change nothing, not one single thing, even though every time Lady Danger goes out to fight it takes every in him to stay calm and do his damn job and not stare at the screens and hope that this time isn’t the one when the Becket boys don’t come back. But every time they do return, shining and victorious and Tendo relaxes at long last, clutches Yancy in his arms and spends the next few nights memorising every little part of his body, both of them revelling in being alive and being together, in a mess of shared breaths and clutching hands.

Then one night, Lady Danger does not come back. Out in the freezing sea, her pilots lose the fight and Tendo has to listen as his Becket Boys fail, as Yancy is ripped from their Lady’s skull and cast aside, as Raleigh screams for the loss of his brother. A silence, unlike anything Tendo has ever heard, takes over the command centre, even as Raleigh fights potentially to the death against the kaiju. Tendo sits at his desk, numb and shell-shocked, only able to follow movements his hands know to try and bring their Lady home.

Tendo Choi has never drifted, never shared his memories completely with another human being and become one mind to power a colossus. But being around pilots enough means you start to know the terms, the phrases, they know. One he hears a lot is being able to find someone in the drift, in the depths of your memories as you share them with your co-pilot, being able to lose yourself just for a few seconds in a moment in your past. He’s heard stories of pilots who’ve gone too far into their memories, who’ve chased the R.A.B.I.T. and lost themselves.

Perhaps it’s a good thing then that he doesn’t drift, because any opportunity to chase his memories would be taken, chasing forever after soft golden hair and smiling blue eyes. Stretching out for strong, warm hands that would remain forever just out of reach no matter how hard he tried. If the dreams he has every night are anything to go by, he would be lost in the drift, unable to build the bridge needed to fight. He’s better here, behind a desk where he can follow practised movements and put on his front. He’s better losing himself in his memories alone in his bed where the only person he can hurt is himself, viciously chain smoking until he eventually succumbs to his body’s need to sleep.

Everything in the base reminds him of Yancy. His room, his bed, the command centre, the mess hall. Everywhere he looks is haunted by the ghost of a jaeger pilot he never meant to fall in love with. He barely even notices them losing the war.

Tendo Choi has never drifted, never shared his memories completely with another human being and become one mind to power a colossus. But perhaps that’s for the best. All that would be waiting for him would be memories of soft blonde hair and strong hands. He’s already haunted enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally a prompt on tumblr from my angsty partner in crime, Desperadore.


End file.
